The First Step is Always the Hardest

With any exercise regime you begin, getting started is usually the hardest part. It’s not just about sticking with what you’re doing and establishing the routine (though that’s hard enough on its own). All the preparation that goes into it can be such a hassle. It sometimes has a tendency to wear you out before you’ve even actually begun.

Some of you might know that before I came back for the semester, I had homework over the break. While that may shock and distress some of you, especially my fellow students who understand that a break should be just that, (I also understand some of you couldn’t possibly care less), I must admit I complained more about it than the work actually warranted. We had to write a 6-9 page paper including a statement of our goals/objectives while abroad and specifically how to accomplish them, a section discussing two major news stories/current events affecting the country to which we are traveling, and finally a specific itinerary for two trips (a 3-day weekend and a week-long trip). Along with that, we had roughly 200 pages out of our travel guide to read, which is what our test on Monday was over. So, it wasn’t an assignment that could easily be done in a day, but if I had stretched it out a bit more than I did, it probably wouldn’t have seemed so daunting.

Somewhat ironically, the part I was least looking forward to doing was what I found most interesting, and the one section I was most interested in became the section I dreaded the most. I’m not sure how well you know me, but I’m not a history person. In high school, it was always my worst subject (one of the few subjects in which I consistently made B’s). For whatever reason, I hated being tested over dates and wars and leaders, and I just simply lacked any motivation to try very hard. However, strictly speaking, that does not mean that I don’t like history. In fact, quite the opposite. I love learning about the past and the evolution of cultures. Just don’t grade me over my knowledge. I am also not a politics person. My dad says there’s no such thing, that politics are a part of everyday life. So I’ll clarify by saying that I’m not big on discussing current events and what’s going on with the government. This is for personal reasons as well as a little apathy mixed in (though I’m working on the apathy bit). With that being said, I didn’t think writing about two news events would be all that interesting to me. But, in fact, I found it most fascinating and kept reading articles even after I finished that section.

Side note: If you don’t know about what’s going on with Scotland and their petition for independence, you should check it out. BBC has a lot of interesting facts in very succinct, yet detailed, articles and various other writings.

What I did not particularly enjoy, though I thought I would, was the trip planning. I mean, let’s face it. Getting to travel around England, the UK, and Europe in general is the major reason I wanted to study abroad. If I didn’t want to travel, I could have just stayed in Abilene and taken almost the exact same course load… While I do like to keep accounts of what I’ve done on a day-to-day basis and if I’m going to get together with people, I like to know in advance, I hated planning and mapping out two trips. The requirements were just so specific, and it felt so rigid. My mom calls me her duck because I tend to just go with the flow of things, riding the waves wherever they take me. That’s how I like to travel. I don’t want to plan out restaurants or what I was going to do that day. Granted, it was a good exercise in trying to find best prices on train and air fare, as well as looking at hostels in areas I want to visit. And now I have a better idea of attractions around the area and do feel more prepared. I’m not saying the assignment was pointless, I just didn’t like write-up portion, detailing every little thing I was going to do each day. I prefer to float with a basic idea of where I’m headed.

Then there’s the packing. Trying to decide what to bring, what not to bring, making sure paperwork is all in order. It all has to be done, but it is a tedious process. I am very fortunate to have the mother that I do, though, because not only is she an awesome packer, she has a solid head on her shoulders and could help me out with things that I’ve never dealt with before.

But I had to say goodbye to her Sunday night. It’s a depressing (and somewhat terrifying) thought that I won’t be seeing her for four whole months. I’m close with all my immediate family, but my mom and I have a particular connection because we are so similar. We do so many things together that this first step by myself really is the hardest. I have to make my own choices (which I’ve mentioned before is not my strong suit): food, trips, balancing school and extra activities. It’s all on me.

I try very hard to come across as secure in myself, a confident young woman making her way in the world. But the truth is I’m a huge chicken. I have self-image issues and am honestly not all that confident. I am terrified of making a wrong decision or making terrible mistakes along the way. Doing this by myself is utterly petrifying.

Which is why it’s amazing that I don’t have to do it by myself.

You may have noticed that I wear jewelry, but what you may not have noticed is that I always wear this one set of rings. It looks like one single ring, but is, in fact, three. Each ring has one word inscribed on the inside of the band: love, joy, and peace. If you don’t know, these are the first three fruits of the Spirit. These serve as a reminder of the God I serve, the one who sent his son so that I don’t have to be frightened. It’s through Jesus that I can love others, share the joy of life, and have an internal peace to comfort me through any situation. Does that mean I always feel like I have those? Definitely not. I am nowhere near perfect, and I still struggle daily with internal battles over how I feel about myself. Yet every step I take is shadowed by my Saviour, who is looking out for me, no matter how many times I stumble.

Before I left home, my mom gave me a ring inscribed with a well-known statement: the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. It’s so simple and so true, but sometimes it’s the hardest thing in the world to do. This Wednesday I hop on a plane. In a day and a half, I leave my friends and family behind. I leave what’s familiar to me and enter a world that I have never before experienced. Am I excited? Absolutely. Am I nervous? Most definitely. Yet I couldn’t be happier to be able to have this experience.

Thanks for slogging through this ramble! I promise they won’t all be this long, but I appreciate your interest in my journey. And again, if you have comments, I’d love to hear from you!